“Ok well if I have to throw a brick at anyone I just got a new brick :) let me know best!” — bestfriend
4.21.12
It was definitely an interesting experience…first formal type of event with AACF. I loved all of the hard work that the boys put into tonight. Awkward at times for me, because I’m still not entirely comfortable with everyone. And specially during the video. It was a super sweet video, but I knew that I wasn’t exactly included in it. After all, they’ve only known me for not even a semester? Still, it was nice.
I liked the little gifts we got at the end of the night. It was just a picture of the boys and some handwritten encouragement notes, but I happen to love letters/notes. There’s something about them being so personal that I love reading them. Brent wrote my first one, but I’m not sure who wrote the other two. Regardless, they were all really sweet. Honestly, it was more than I expected. I still feel like I don’t belong sometimes…I guess it just takes me a while to warm up to a group of people who are already friends and have been friends for years. Also, the fact that I won’t be coming back after this semester makes me see it as just another semester commitment. Sort of. Still though, PTL for giving me the chance to get to know these people and let them push me back to God.
A good night with some awkward brothers and sisters, HAHA. I’m so used to being comfortable with my APhiO broskiis, that it was just super weird to be with such an awkward group of people. Awkward, in a good way though! :)
THANKS, BROSKIIS!
If you really knew me,
You would know that I’m emotionally needy.
A lot of people think I’m independent. That I can take care of myself. That I’m capable. And I am. Most of the time, anyway. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t still need people. I’m strongly independent, yet highly needy. It sounds contradictory, but seems to be true in my case. I push people away because I don’t like to be dependent on others. Because people walk in and out of our lives. My life. And I’m not sure who exactly I can depend on. I’ve counted on people in the past who have so easily walked out of my life, leaving me to find and rebuild a new and trusting relationship.
It’s definitely hard.
How do you let others know that you need support too?
I just want to be taken care of too. Please don’t forget the quiet ones.
If you really knew me,
You would know that I’m incredibly sensitive. And I hate it.
I take a lot of things to heart, even remarks that may seem insignificant and unimportant in your eyes. I can’t help but feel self-conscious about myself. I’m insecure and have a pretty low self-esteem, something that I’ve been trying to work on. It’s hard for me to completely relax and be myself around people because I’m constantly afraid of being judged. I mean, who doesn’t judge? I know I do, but still. I can’t help but feel like I need to live up to certain expectations in order to “fit in.” Fit in. What does that even mean, anyway?
Sensitivity. A few words here and there. An unintended remark. Things that really shouldn’t bother me at all. But they do. All the time. And the words stick with me. All the time. I think and I overthink. And then I worry and stress. That I’m not good enough. That I’m not pretty/funny/smart enough. That I’m not perfect. Who’s perfect anyway, right? Still, I just can’t help it…
(via musicisart)
(via quote-book)
(Source: blindthoughts, via carolielola)
If you really knew me,
You would know that I used to fall head over heels for a guy. If I fell, I fell hard. It’s different now. I’m different now. I’ve grown a little older, a little wiser. I think I’m still a hopeless romantic at heart. But at the same time, I’m a cynic about love. Is this possible?
Now I know better. Now I know not to fall for just any charming guy that comes along. I’ve done a pretty good job so far, protecting myself from boys and the inevitable hurt that they come along with. Don’t get me wrong though. I may have my walls, but I’m only trying to focus on the important things in life right now. Prioritizing. Education is my number one priority at the moment. And then there’s all the other things that round out my life. AΦΩ, work, social life. I don’t want a relationship to be just another commitment. Another obligation that I have to keep up with. So until then, I’m content to be living the single life.
…
But I have to admit, this one confuses me. I’m not sure what to think of him, and I’m not sure what to do about him. For now, I guess I’m going to just let us be.
“You’re one of the few people I know who has her head on straight…especially about boys and dreams.” — PSIS + babyboy
I’m not sure what’s going on right now or what’s going to happen, but I do know that I’ve already put a little piece of myself out on the table. I put my heart in my hand and opened myself up to a potential something. I may be opening myself up to disappointment, but if I don’t, then I’ll never know what may happen. Will I? I hope I’m making the right decision. I hope I’m ready.
I can’t sleep. I can’t stay awake. I can’t sit still. I can’t get up. I can’t clean. I can’t eat. I can’t study. I can’t focus. I can’t read. I can’t think. I can’t breathe.
I’m just trying to find that one thing that will get me going again, whatever it may be.