Confession #1
If you really knew me, You would know that I’m at my most vulnerable at night. It’s weird and strange, but I tend to just fall to pieces. Sometimes I’ll just drive, with no intention of going home and with no destination in mind. I go out just to be around people, so I don’t have to be alone. But once I’m there, all I want to do is leave. I admit that I get jealous of people who are effortlessly sociable, the people that are the life of the party. Those people. I always feel like such a wallflower when I’m in large crowds. I don’t know how to be myself, but at the same time, that is me. The awkward girl in the corner, always. As independent as I say I am, I’m still a needy little girl. I’m constantly seeking approval and reassurance. For what, I’m not sure. But I just want to be accepted and acknowledged. I want the reassurance that people do care. Because so many times, it feels like no one does. I put so much time and energy into caring for other people, a lot of whom don’t even reciprocate the same feelings, that I don’t have the time to take care of myself. Self-love. It’s a strange concept to me. I want to change, but I’m at one of those points in my life. I’ll get through it, but it’s so very difficult right now. For now, I’m just drifting along in life, hoping I’ll find my way.
