I’m a monster.
The more time I spend with them, the more that I realize that I’m so different from them. Today, in class, we went over our “personalities” from the assessment we took. Most of them were all in one category. And then there was me. The black sheep, perhaps? Every time I see their interaction, I think, why can’t it be like that with me? Is there something wrong with me? Is there something wrong with them? Am I just overreacting? Why does it hurt so much to watch? Most of the time, I come to the conclusion that it’s just me. Why would it be them? They’re too good and perfect for it to be them. (And no, I’m not being sarcastic.)
It’s me.
I’m vain. I’m impatient. I’m over attentive. I’m prideful. I’m selfish. I’m over analytical. I’m stubborn. I’m lazy. I’m arrogant. I’m ignorant. I’m also many more adjectives, but I think the fact that all these sentences start with “I’m” also indicate something about me… Wow.
My best friends don’t even want to talk to me.
*ball hits me. right in the head.
: NICE!
me: …… honestly?
There’s a time and place for joking around. But then again, I probably overreact.
*all sitting together watching the game
*turning only to a select few…
: are you guys cold? do you want my jacket?
Yeah, I’m not cold at all really. I’m just sitting there shivering with goosebumps running all up an down my arm. But that’s actually pretty normal for me. So no worries.
Those were the highlights of my day. Seriously.
*everyone mingles…
*nowhere to go for me. thanks for making me feel left out.
And that kind of stuff happens every week.
I’m tired. I really am. Maybe I’m just not compatible. I try to “fit in.” Whatever that means. But recently, I feel like I’ve just been old news. There’s new people around. I’ve been quite left out.
And they wonder why I turn to other people… haha. Funny.
I can’t even FUCKING TALK TO THEM because every time I try, it ends up being a one-person conversation. Unresponsive. Why? Am I really that repulsive? Am I the unresponsive one? Or maybe I’m just a boring person to be with. Ah, that could be it. That probably explains why you never talk to me when I’m there, but instead turn to other people. Ah, this is starting to make perfect sense.
C’est la vie, right?
So to answer the question,
YES, I really am just a BITCH.
(Like everyone thinks I am.)
